How to escape the feeling of being in two places at once
Being in two places at once is impossible… or is it?
It sure feels real when we’re so focused on where we’re going that we already have one fit out the door even though we’re standing in place.
Every fall I have the same experience: feeling split between two places, two worlds, two lives, miles and miles apart. 1865 km to be exact. The distance between my homebase in Toronto and my camp (cottage, cabin, lakehouse…) on Lake of The Woods, where I live for over three months every summer.
My aunt said it best: “While you live in Toronto, you are living when you’re at the lake.”
And that’s exactly what makes my heart break every year when the last hint of warm weather evaporates and fall starts to settle in: I feel like I’m leaving a small part of me behind as I prepare to leave the lake and head back to the city. I’m not sure where I belong: here or there? As the beginning of my two-day road trip approaches, I find myself stuck somewhere in between… not here, nor there, but in the middle. In limbo. (Or perhaps I’m caught in a Dr. Seuss rhyme?)
Exploring the space in between is often something I advocate for; I get lit up at the idea of helping clients get in the grey: the world in between right/wrong, either/or, when/then. After all, this is where possibility lies, opportunity is uncovered, and choice is restored.
But this is different. Limbo isn’t a place of abundance and possibility, it’s a world of indecision and inaction. It has a tendency to show up whenever we are approaching a transition in any area of our lives. Whether it’s a new career, a new relationship, or in this case, a new home (ie. moving back to Toronto), when we are faced with change we can get caught up in between where we are and where we’re going. We feel ourselves moving forward but also held in place at the same time. We are being called towards the new job, dynamic, or environment, but want the familiarity and comfort of what’s known. We know that change is inevitably on its way but are caught in a trap of anticipation and reluctance at the same time.
Limbo isn’t the discomfort of being in the unknown or challenging yourself to experience the unfamiliar; when you’re in limbo you’ve already made the commitment to change, the leap of faith. Limbo is the waiting period. It’s when you’ve accepted that the change is happening but you are waiting on the sidelines to be put into the game. Limbo shows up when we’re ready to go, but what we’re stepping into isn’t ready for us.
Being in limbo is not productive.
While we know change is inevitable, we may not be sure what’s on the other side. I find this showing up frequently with clients between careers, even if they haven’t yet determined what the next career is. Instead of doing something in service of what’s next, they lie in the perceived safe space of limbo and get stuck in a never-ending loop.
I experienced this first hand when I had made the decision to step fully into coaching full-time. It had been years in the making but all of the sudden I found myself faced with it actually happening. And in my final weeks in my corporate job, I was often telling myself: “I don’t know what to do” - a clear indication that I was stuck in limbo.
The good news is: Getting out of limbo is one action away.
Taking action is the remedy for limbo. It grounds us in the present moment and provides us with a foundation on which to firmly step off of and into what’s next. It gets us out of ruminating and overthinking and restores choice. Taking action reminds you that you have agency of your life.
The perfect example: sitting down and writing this blog.
When I approach the end of my time at the lake, I ask myself the same question: What has the lake given me this summer? One answer: the space and grace to write. So here I am writing in service of what’s now (returning to and processing the present moment), and what’s next (growing my business by learning and sharing). If you’re struggling to let go of what will soon be the past, it could be blocking you from what’s right in front of you. To honour it and move on, ask yourself: What has this experience given me? You’d be surprised how many gems you find to take with you going forward.
Don’t wait for life to happen to you, start creating your life for you.
Get out of limbo and into action.
Kirsten Schmidtke is a professional coach, speaker, and lover of lake life. She works with leaders, creators, and entrepreneurs to help them up-level their careers, businesses, and lives. Are you ready to explore what’s possible for you? Contact Kirsten to start the conversation!
