How To Easily Navigate Difficult Conversations At Work (& In Life)

I remember reading a quote once that credited an individual’s success to the number of difficult conversations they have.

It was a concept I wasn’t sure I could completely get onboard with. After all, don’t we all measure success differently? And weren’t difficult conversations reserved for professional settings and limited in availability?

Further, I felt that the statement suggested that without these conversations you were without, you were lacking.

How was I going to get ahead in my life and career if I was behind before I even started?

But something stuck, and when I found myself stepping into one of the most difficult conversations of my career, I was reminded of it. A quick Google search led me to the full statement:

“A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.” - Tim Ferris

As I prepared for the conversation ahead, the quote brought two things to light:

1) checking-in on my willingness to have the conversation, and

2) a reminder that discomfort and unfamiliarity are always a part of growth.

My approach required channeling both of these principles and within my preparation, it became abundantly clear that they applied to all types of conversations - both professional and personal. The conversation was going to be difficult, no doubt, but there was an opportunity I hadn’t considered: one that would allow for space and awareness by remaining connected to my Self.

It all begins by asking yourself a simple question:

Am I willing to show up as my true Self?

Yes, your capital ‘S’ true Self - also known as Soul or Spirit. The opposite of ego. Your ego will be coming in strong, wanting to defend, wanting to be heard, wanting to protect itself. Remember, your ego wants to keep you safe. It is programmed to make you feel uncomfortable in the face of something unfamiliar, something different, something new. Beware of the temptation to be pulled into its grasp and caught in the trap of “what’s in it for me?”

When we focus on what’s in it for us, we have let the ego win. We find ourselves feeling the need to stand up for ourselves, to defend our position. But does anything productive ever come from defensiveness? This is where the law of attraction (like attracts like) will demonstrate itself flawlessly: defensiveness attracts defensiveness.

So, what to do instead?

Stay quiet.

Or, ask a question.

This may be the most simple but powerful practice to apply to difficult conversations. When we get quiet and listen, truly listen, there is very little to say. Instead of driving our own agenda or assuming what the person will say next, we remain present in the conversation, curious to what the other has to say. Open to the outcome.

Remember, there is no need to take over, only an opportunity to be observant. To stand in your Self. When entering the room, the space, the conversation, stand in your worthiness, in being enough - it is all you need.

Borrow this mantra, from Marisa Peer:

“I Am Enough”

It will take you a long way.

Because the fact is, difficult conversations come in all shapes and sizes and are always available to us if we’re willing to rise to the occasion.

Kirsten Schmidtke is a professional coach, creator, and lover of lake life. She works with leaders, creators, and entrepreneurs to help them up-level their careers, businesses, and lives. Are you ready to explore what’s possible for you? Contact Kirsten to start the conversation!