How To Let Go of Expectations and Embrace Agreements

It’s a tough pill to swallow when things don’t work out the way you expected them to.

Sometimes the result or outcome is waiting for us; it’s just not here yet. Or, we’ve created an idea of how things are supposed to turn out despite the fact that we can’t control how it all turns out. Other times, we’ve created our lives to be the opposite of what we want as a result of our focus on what we don’t want… and we wonder why we’re still stuck in the same place.

The truth is, we have as much control of the outcome as we do on the weather.

This has been the theme of my summer. Should you ask how the summer was, I’d pause to determine whether or not to be honest.

Summers are magical for me. I spend them in my little piece of paradise where I’ve created my happy place in my heart home. I spend weeks surrounded by nature, waking up to a lakeview of serenity and calm.

But something’s different. Something felt off this season. Rather than embracing the slower pace, I’ve been in a rush to get somewhere; chasing something I can’t quite see clearly. In contrast, I’m still waiting for the summer to start. And as the season comes to a close I can’t help but summarize it in one word: disappointment.

Oomph. That one hits hard.

Naturally, I had to dig deeper to understand the source of my disappointment. After all, if it was the effect, I wanted to know what was the cause.

The answer came to me in a surprising way: watching the season finale of “And Just Like That…”. As the main character Carrie Bradshaw hosts the last supper in her infamous apartment, she asks everyone to share in one word what they are letting go of as she prepares to let go of the home that has defined her character throughout the franchise. As the scene unfolded, I couldn’t help but check in with my own response which came to me almost immediately: expectations. Boom. Wow. Much to my surprise, Sarah Jessica Parker said the same thing merely 20 seconds later.

Expectations.

It can be a burden to carry; though most often we are unaware of its weight. We hold it close to us and ruthlessly defend it every step of the way. We figure that the more tightly we hold on to our expectations, the better chance we have of making it reality.

But once our plans are interrupted, disrupted, and shaken up, we falter. We feel our perceived control slipping away as the world revolves and we are left holding the bag. We feel like the rug has been pulled from underneath us and we’re left disoriented, confused and yes, you got it, disappointed.

The thing is, nothing good really comes from expectations. If we are to meet them, we are left feeling neutral. And if we miss them, we face disappointment.

Expectations keep us at or below the line; never rising above.

And it’s not just in our personal lives. Expectations of work, of your team, of your boss, just add to stress, poor communication, and lack of trust. When we tell others what we expect of them, that they aren’t meeting expectations, the conversation can be filled with judgment, shame, and result in defensiveness.

In other words, how does it feel when someone tells you what to do? Do you stop listening? Me too. (Cue the risk of giving unsolicited advice).

When we drop expectations, what are we left with? How do we keep trucking towards our goals, inspire our teams, and increase happiness?

We create agreements.

Agreements allow for creativity, collaboration, and communication.

Agreements allow for flexibility and fluidity, for testing and experimentation, rewriting the agreement as needed. It gives your team the opportunity to come to the table with new ideas and for you to open your mind to new possibilities. Agreements are an invitation to show up and rise to the occasion.

We agree to show up to meetings on time. We agree to choose progress over perfection. We agree to always be learning. We agree to stay accountable to my calendar. As entrepreneurs, we agree to always take the next best step in service of our clients and our business.

This shift in perspective is critical to building what so many are missing: trust.

Trust in ourselves as well as trust in others; after all, the latter only comes with the former intact. I expected this summer to be glorious Sunny clear skies, daily, swims, boating, rowing, golfing, expanding my… the truth is summer season was lousy. I can control the weather as much as I can control whether or not you read this post. But what I can do is stay true to my agreement to myself and my business to show up weekly with ideas and insights to help others in pursuit of balance, happiness, freedom, and success.

What expectations can you let go of?

What agreement will you make going forward?

Kirsten Schmidtke is a professional coach, speaker, and lover of lake life. She works with leaders, creators, and entrepreneurs to help them up-level their careers, businesses, and lives. Are you ready to explore what’s possible for you? Contact Kirsten to start the conversation!