How To Give Yourself Permission To Choose Yourself First

How do you choose yourself without feeling guilty?

Writing has always given me the opportunity to sort through my thoughts in an effort to find an answer, to explore potential solutions.

But this one had me stumped.

Permission slips come in all shapes and sizes, but the one that allows you to choose yourself first seems to be the most difficult to come by. There are so many things that get in the way, mostly our responsibility for others. For a woman who is single and childless, it may sound as though I’m completely unqualified to have an opinion on this topic.

But the truth is, there are many external forces that distract us from choosing ourselves.

Our responsibility to others whether at home or at work, the fear of missing out in our social circles, the pressure and expectations created by cultural conditioning. At a first glance, it might sound selfish or even indulgent to choose yourself, but I would argue that it is critical to your health and overall wellbeing.

Only after you take care of yourself, can you take care of others.

In the course of my wellness journey, I’ve learned that choosing myself first is non-negotiable. When approached in the right way, it can become core to your daily routine and decision making process.

Start by listening

There is power in listening, in connecting with your intuition and what it is trying to tell you.

Whether you use meditation, journaling, or another method, take a moment to ask yourself: What do I need to take care of myself right now? What is your body trying to tell you?

Listen with an open heart and open mind, and welcome what comes up for you.

Then listen harder.

If the guilt starts to creep in, explore where it is coming from and reflect on what will happen if you don’t take care of yourself. Identify what is important to you and your health, even if you’re unsure of the tools needed to make changes.

Further, make sure the guilt isn’t fear in disguise.

Change the narrative

Ditch the negative self-talk and embrace the power of positive thinking.

When you find yourself frustrated or disappointed, acknowledge the feeling and then take the next step:

Shift your mindset by focusing on the good.

It might require positive action to get out of the “funk”, so try getting outside for some fresh air, connecting with someone for support, or participating in an activity that brings you joy.

Be kind to yourself

Know that the process and practice of self-care looks different for everyone. Embrace your individuality as you start to explore what you need.

Remember it takes practice to adopt a new habit and be kind to yourself in the process.

Share with others

Start by taking the first step of creating boundaries: communicate with those closest to you that you are carving out time for yourself. Stay accountable by blocking time in your calendar, writing it down in your planner, or sharing your commitment to yourself with a trusted friend, coach, or community.

When you start to tell others that you are important, you start to believe it.

Create a ritual

It will help you set yourself up for success as you make the effort to take time for yourself. It can be as simple as lighting a candle, meditating, or journaling. Staying consistent with your ritual will help it to become a habit and subsequently, part of your daily routine.

Soon it will become second nature to find time for yourself and to prioritize self-care without the guilt or doubt.

You’ll find yourself no longer needing permission to choose yourself first.

Kirsten Schmidtke is a professional coach, creator, and lover of lake life. She works with leaders, creators, and entrepreneurs to help them up-level their careers, businesses, and lives. Are you ready to explore what’s possible for you? Contact Kirsten to start the conversation!